Double-Dipping On Day Three

First of all, I’m glad to announce that day three is a success! I have eaten within my calorie budget (despite not packing my lunch and taking it), done my pushups and sit-ups, and gotten in a half hour of Taekwondo practice! I feel great!

A little sore, but great.

Amusingly, the last eight minutes we’re practicing with my bo staff. Why? Partly because I wanted to, and partly because at 22 minutes I was flagging and couldn’t face another iteration of basic forms or poomse. So I grabbed my staff, because it was a beautiful 60 degree spring evening out.

Why amusingly? Well, longer-term reader of this blog may remember that I’ve also taken up Kung Flow, a contact staff juggling program. It turns out that at least one bo staff move is identical to a contact staff technique called the figure eight. So, I get to double dip!

Awesome!

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Happy Little Evening

So I was sitting on the couch just now, watching some Joy of Painting with Bob Ross as a way of relaxing. You know, as you do. And I was feeling pretty good, because I’d eaten within my calorie budget. And I was just thinking that maybe I’d take it slow and wait until next week to get back on the exercise bandwagon. And then Bob spoke to me.

So I changed into my sweats, and left the show on, and did my exercises. Just me and Bob, happy to let things happen and be relaxed. And I feel good. And a little reflective.

I remember encountering Bob Ross on PBS in the early 90s, when my family had moved back to the states. I was living at home still, working a fast food job and attending night school and not certain what I was doing with my life. My dad was still alive, but he’d been diagnosed with cancer.

I’d watch Bob Ross on Sunday mornings, before heading into work. He always made me feel happy and relaxed, kind of like Mr. Rogers did when I was little. No matter how tough the week, or how tough it was watching my dad get worse, his show was a half hour of peace and relaxation and happy clouds and trees.

I don’t honestly know quite where I’m going with this post, really. There’s no grand realizations here. At least, I don’t think there are. I’m just relaxed, and remembering, and realizing I didn’t make a mistake or anything like that. I just had a little accident, and something wonderful’s going to come out of it.

I think I need to work out with Bob Ross more. Keep it relaxed, and enjoy the moment.

Cold, Wet, and… Sunny?

Last week was a weird, weird week. The whole week was cold, with a dusting of snow that turned into rain, and then warming up into the low 60s by the end of the week. It was not, sadly, the sort of weather that made me feel gung-ho about hitting my walking goals. Or about any other goals, really. Mostly, I stayed inside and wrapped myself in a blanket. Except for my martial arts lessons, that is.

It wasn’t a wildly successful week for me, is what I’m saying.

At this point, I’d love to say I have a plan. But, really, it isn’t a plan that I need. It’s motivation. I feel likeI’ve lost my way, here. So, I’m going to try and get back to basics: walking, martial arts practice, some sit-ups and push-pa, and tracking my calorie budget. But more importantly, I’m going to try and get back to why I’m trying to do this. I need to get back in touch with my motivations for having started this exercise and weight loss project, or I’m never going to succeed.

Hopefully, I’ll have a few thoughts to share with you (and myself) over the next few days.

Maintaining

Last week was not as successful as I might have hoped, thanks in large part to poor sleep hygiene. I ended up overeating and not getting in the walking goals I set for myself, and on top of it I wasn’t the most pleasant of people to deal with. As a result, I had absolutely no change in my weight from a week ago.

It could have been worse, of course.

This week, thanks in large part to my wife helping me realize that I really need to, I’m going to be focusing on actually going to sleep at a reasonable hour. Eight pm, to be specific, which sounds utterly unreasonable until you remember that I get up at 3:45 am to get ready for work. My plan is that more sleep will allow me to do crazy things like have the energy to get my walking in and to resist the fatigue-based carb loading that I tend to do.

Fending Off Discouragement

It is so easy to give up.

I had a really good week last week – I ate within my calorie budget (except Sunday) and hit my walking goals, and lost some weight. Then, yesterday, things were a little rough for… well, for a few different reasons. Fatigue, for one. As a result, I overate (3,027 calories out of my 2,500 calorie budget) and didn’t get my walking goal in.

Now, objectively, this wasn’t all that big a deal. I mean, I was only 527 calories over goal and I still walked 4.68 miles according to my FitBit. It wasn’t the best of all possible days, sure. But I could have done a whole lot worse. Nevertheless, my brain – the same part that tried to tell me that losing 1.4 pounds in a week wasn’t “enough” – is telling me that I failed and I may as well eat a triple whopper with cheese garnished with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for lunch today because I’m a failure.

I mean, wow. You’d think my own brain would be on my side.

So, how do I deal with this negative voice? By using a trick that I started practicing decades ago (wow, that makes me feel old). When other negative memories are dragged up, I consciously ask myself why I’m suddenly thinking about that. What benefit is there? What lesson can I learn right now from that memory. And then I thank myself for the lesson. It really does work, too. Kind of like the negative part of my brain gives up in disgust and stomps off to sulk in the corner.

So, what lesson can I learn from this feeling of failure about my current health program?

First, I can learn that these goals really are important to me. I wouldn’t feel guilty about not hitting my goals if I didn’t actually care about them. Second, I can learn that self-care is important. The urge to lay around and carb load doesn’t come from sheer laziness, after all. It’s a warning sign that I’m tired and that I need to make sure to rest and take care of myself.

So, brain, thank you for the lesson. I’m still going to hit my goals, but I’ll also make sure that decent sleep and that me to read are part of those goals. Thank you for the lesson.

That Was Wierd

Stress. It’s a thing that happens to everyone, and we all need to learn to manage it. Sadly, my default stress management technique is eating. Well, that and getting moody and sullen and bitchy and withdrawn. I have bad stress management techniques, is what I’m saying.

So, I’ve (finally) started researching the topic. And I discovered something strange: as soon as I typed “stress management” into Google, I started feeling anxious. Seriously. I felt that uncomfortable gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomach that you get from being nervous, and it didn’t go away until I started making notes.

It was an interesting realization but, in retrospect, not a surprising one. Way back in the day, I’m pretty sure I write about how it took a health crisis to force me to acknowledge that I had a serious problem and needed to start being serious about my weight and health. It was, to be honest, part of a general trend in my life. I often feel like I have to be perfect to have any worth, and as a result I tend to hide from or ignore my problems. I tell myself that, if I just work a little harder, everything will be fine. But that always ends with fear and stress-induced paralysis, and it never works.

So, I read the articles and took some notes. And I discovered that there’s nothing surprising in what I read. As I work through it, I’ll share my plan here.

Stress over learning about managing stress. Who’d have thought that?

Sleep Is Good

I noticed something interesting. Sunday night I got a good night’s sleep, and I hit my goals hard. I stayed within my calorie budget, I got all my walking in, I did everything. But then, on Monday night, I slept badly. Like, “tossing and urning half the night” badly.

What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I ate a bunch of sugar and missed my walking goal by a mile and a half because I was too tired to even want to try.

There’s an important lesson there, I think. All of these efforts at improving my health and changing my life are contingent on getting decent rest. Fortunately for me, I managed that last night. So, let’s see how it works out.