Maybe Feeling Unmotivated Pays Off?

Right. Yesterday I wrote about how the treadmill died on me and I didn’t get to finish the 5K workout for Monday. And how I went walking after that, but I couldn’t work up the willpower to run. Remember that?

I just checked my FitBit. It turns out I walked 8.75 miles yesterday.

I figure that some of that is due to my department relocating to the 3rd floor in my building, and to me deciding to take the stairs as much as possible. But, let’s be honest here, not all of that is stairs. Which means that, despite the treadmill thing, I did all right.

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Taking It Easy

Wow, that was an awful week. I made it in to work on Friday, started dragging again on Saturday, slept 12 or 13 hours on Sunday, and ended up taking Monday off because I was dragging hard Sunday evening.

Naturally enough, I was feeling fine by midday on Monday.

So, here’s where I’m at. I’m just recovering fro being awfully sick, so I’m not pushing myself. The 5K training is off the table until next Monday. Heck, I’m not even going to push myself to hit my 5.5 mile walking goal until then. I’ll walk on my usual daily schedule (sans hitting the treadmill each morning) and if I happen to hit that goal I’ll be fine with it. But it’s not mandatory.

Hitting my calorie goal is still mandatory, though.

Also, after talking to my wife, my exercise goals beyond walking are on hold until November 6. (Well, I say “talking”, but it was more like “arguing until I realized she had a really, really good point”…) See, I’m studying for the third(and final) level of my Certified Equity Professional certification, and that is a lot of work. Exercise and weight loss needs to be a secondary goal for the next eight weeks. So I’ll still be walking for stress relief, and doing some stretches, and watching what I eat. But the rest of my energy goes to studying.

Man. I can’t wait for this to be over.

What I Did With The Last Day Of Ny Vacation

I went to church.

Yes, there’s a story here. See, the first thing I did was drop off my son for his first day of first grade (where has the time gone?), and then I had to go and pick up the prescription for my glasses so that I could order a new pair. Well, on the way back, I spotted Christ Baptist Church (seen above) and said to myself “I bet there’s a Pokestop there, and I could stand to stretch my legs.” So I pulled over, and checked.

There wasn’t just a Pokestop, but a gym! A gym with a raid in progress!

A weak enough raid that I could probably beat it all by myself!

So, I entered the raid.

To make a long and potentially extremely boring story short, I won. And, in honor of my solitary win, I named the Bayleaf for the church (within the confines of the character limits):

Now, the point of all of this is not that I drove to a Pokestop and won a raid. Yippee, right? No, the point was that I was feeling busy when I stopped. I mean, I wasn’t actually all that busy, but I felt busy. Up until I stopped. By the time I was done, I had noticed how pleasant the weather was. I went walking, just to enjoy the day. I even took a picture of some ducks.

Real ducks. Not some sort of “Pokéduck”.

In short, stopping to play the game for a few minutes reminded me that there’s a reason beyond weight loss that I’m doing all this work. I’m doing it to be able to go for long, impromptu walks with ducks. I’m doing it to enjoy myself. I’m doing it because it makes me feel good.

Christchurch the Bayleef is a wise, skilled teacher.

Well. That Was Interesting.

Yesterday, I over ate. A lot. No, more than you think. A lot. And the interesting thing was that, while I was doing it, I was kind of watching myself do it. Sort of like I was kicked back on the couch, saying “well, I’ma eat all these Oreos now” and knowing I was overeating and not caring. It was a strange sort of feeling.

Then, about 6 last night, I figured out what was going on. I was tired. Stupidly tired. Haven’t had enough sleep in days tired. Why? Well, reasons. But I know for a fact that I overeat when I’m tired. I crave sugar and carbs and caffeine, as I struggle to keep myself going.

It was one of those revelatory moments. It also had me going to sleep at 8 last night, in an effort to a) get some sleep and b) avoid doing this again today. Because it’s sort of counterproductive, isn’t it?

So, I’m still a little tired today. But I’m not exhausted, which helps. I’m also aware of this now, which helps. And it helped motivate me to get up and go walking this morning. So, let’s see if I do better now.

Three Days And Counting

For the past three days, I've made my calorie goals! That feels like a huge achievement, because it's been a while since I was at all consistent and especially since dinner last night was Taco Bell. Taco Bell is it a fast food chain known for its healthy eating choices, but I did it!

That is, I hit my calorie goal. We won't get into how healthy it was otherwise…

So I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm hitting my walking goals, I'm hitting my calorie goals, and I'm getting my head back on the game by reframing the story in my head. I'm working on focusing on the goal again, and the reasons why, as a motivator. It's not perfect yet – mental attitudes don't completely change by magic in a 24 hour period, after all – but progress is being made.

It's like my wife told me last night, when we were talking about this and some related issues. I need to stop selling myself short. I shouldn't be arrogant, obviously, but I need to recognize the hard work I've put in. I need to recognize my own strengths, and my own achievements, and be willing to take credit for them and build on them. It's not boasting to say that I've achieved something remarkable. I've lost 100 pounds by virtue of eating better and exercising. And, although I've got more to do, that fact doesn't diminish what I've already achieved. It just shows that I can do the rest of it.

My wife, everyone, is a wise and magnificent woman. It's something I don't tell her enough, because I frequently get wrapped up in my own problems. But I wouldn't have achieved any of this without her. Not because I need her to push me (although she has, when I needed it), or because I'm doing it for her (although she is one of the reasons I am doing this), but because she inspires me and she balances me and she lifts me up. I am a lucky man.