I may – may – have mentioned, once or twice, how frustrated I am with my lack of progress. Or, more specifically, with how I've backslid and regained 20 pounds. Just maybe, right? I've possibly alluded to this a time or too on this blog, right?
Here's the interesting thing about all of this: realizing that the problem exists is the easy part. Not that it's easy, mind. Not if you aren't particularly introspective, anyway. But, compared to actually dealing with the problem? Realizing that it exists is easy.
I know that there are valid reasons why I've been distracted from my exercise and weight loss. I also know that I stress eat. The problem is, I'm not entirely certain what to do about it. I'm still wound up tight and – without even realizing it – I'm still angry at myself. (I'm also scared that I'll regain everything, but I knew that.)
Now the question is "what do I do?" I mean, the physical part is still easy. I walk, I get myself back on my calorie budget, and (starting Monday) I get myself back to exercising. (My plan is focus on restarting one thing each week.). But I also need to deal with the emotions, and I'm not entirely certain that I know how to do that. I just know that, like my wife has said more than once, if I can get them resolved then the rest of it will be easy.
Maybe I need to start by focusing on the reasons why I'm doing this? Take the emphasis off what I need to do, and put it on the things I want to achieve? It's an idea (and I'll be honest – this entry is really about talking myself through some of this). So, here's what I want out of this:
- I want to be able to keep up with my son.
- I want to look better, both for myself and my wife.
- I want to be healthy, because I want to feel good and because I want a long and happy life with my wife.
- I wan to be healthy because I'm an older father, and I want to be there for my son. And because I want to see my grandchildren.
- I want to run a 5k, which is something I never ever thought I'd hear myself say.
Well, I wrote that. And, well, I think it helps. Oh, it doesn't fix everything, but it feels like a step in the right direction. Hopefully, the first of many steps.