Last week was nicely successful, as far as I can tell. See, it turns out that the last time I weighed in and recorded the weight was July 16, when I weighed 319.4 pounds. So, when I weighed in on Saturday, I weighed 314.4 pounds. I’m assuming that means I lost weight by virtue of hitting my walking and my calorie goals, but I can’t prove it. Which gets in to the thesis of today’s post.
If you’re reading this blog in an app you may not have seen it, but over on the left there’s a little thing that reads “Where I’m At”. When I started this blog, I intended it to be an accountability thing. A way of tracking each week where I was at (hence the name) and how I was doing. Well, when I logged in this morning, it looked like this:
Starting Weight (7/15/2015): 419 lbs
New Year Weight 2016 (1/1/2016): 339.2 lbs
New Year Weight 2017 (12/31/2016): 308.0 lbs
Last Weigh-In (6/11/2017): 318.0 lbs
Current Weigh-In (6/17/2016): 314.0 pounds
Net Change: 4 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 105.0 lbs
Next Step: 279 lbs (35.0 lbs to go)
Ultimate Goal: 219 lbs (95.0 pounds)
The last time I updated it was two months ago.
I got to thinking about that: “Why, exactly, am I going a month and more between updates?” Sadly, the answer was obvious. I was hiding. I didn’t like what I was doing, and I didn’t like being reminded of my lack of progress, so I didn’t look at it. Really, even though it makes sense (who wants to be reminded that they aren’t making their goal?), it was immature. If I’m going to be honest with myself, and if I’m going to accept who I am and what I’m doing, then I need to keep updating that feature of the blog.
And, of course, I need to get back to seeing progress with it. But that’s not quite the point. The point is that, if pretending a problem isn’t real doesn’t fix the problem. It never does. In fact, it often makes the problem worse. Clearly, that is not a desired outcome. So, I’m going to make sure I update it weekly. Not out of a desire to beat myself up, but because I need to honestly acknowledge my successes and failures, so that I have a clear idea of where I’m at and how I’m succeeding.
Not “succeeding or failing”?
No. Because, although I’m working on forgiving myself for not having met my goals in the past, I’m not planning to fail. That seems… counterproductive.