Kind Of Hit And Miss

I didn’t get up and go walking this morning. Oh, I was awake at 3 am, but I’d had a late night (that I don’t regret), and just couldn’t muster the willpower to make myself get out and moving. The couch was so much more comfortable. I’m still planning on hitting my walking goal today, mind. It’ll just be a little harder without that 1.5 or so mile boost.

My weigh-on will be interesting, tomorrow. Why? Because I’ve had an awkward relationship with my calorie goals. I hit them most of the week, but when I missed them I missed them hard. So, we’ll see how things play out and then I’ll do what I need to do from there.

Despite that concern, I feel like I had a mostly successful week. Mostly. And regardless of what happens, I’ll keep working. Because, like I said way back in the hoary dawn of this blog, this isn’t a diet that I’m on. It’s an effort to change my life.

Alternative Forms Of Exercise

Yesterday, I didn’t get in the six exercises recommended by my personal trainer.  I probably should have.  But, instead, I went to the pool with my son.  And I believe that I’ve remarked that 40 minutes in a pool with a rambunctious 6-year-old is plenty of exercise.  If I haven’t, then let me do so now.  It is exercise.  Plenty of exercise.

This time, the name of the game wasn’t “spinning”.  No, it was shotput.  Here’s how it works.  There’s a floating air mattress sort of thing at our pool that nobody seems to have laid claim to.  As a result, everyone uses it.  Well, the game was that I pick my son up and throw him as far as I can to land on the air mattress thing.  He howls with laughter, swims back to me, and insists that I do it again.

He weighs around 60 pounds.  To toss him, I have to lift him out of the water, and I’m standing shoulder-deep in the water while we’re doing this.  Then, I lob him some three or four feet.

Yeah.  Exercise.  Also, fun.

We also raced.  Which you’d think wouldn’t be a fair match, and it isn’t.  He’s lighter and in better shape, so I have to work to outdistance him.  Especially since he’ll usually have a four or five foot lead on me by the time he shouts “go” when the race starts.

All in all, I had a good time.

Crash And Burn, Baby

Well, that was interesting.

I had my blog post all ready to go. I was going to talk about how excited I was to have turned on my alarm last night so I could get up and go walking this morning. And I was going to be excited about having hit my calorie goals yesterday, and about packing breakfast and lunch (sandwich made out of leftover roast beef from dinner last night), meaning I was on track for today as well.

And then the WordPress app crashed.

I’m not angry or anything. The app is solid, and it’s the first problem I’ve had since I started using it. But it sure is frustrating to lose your work like that. Just bam, and it’s gone.

There might be an exercise and weight loss metaphor in there somewhere, too. But I don’t feel like going to the effort to make it.

Anyway, if that’s the worst thing that happens today, it’ll be a great day!

Well, That Could Have Been Worse…

Pop quiz time! Guess what the most important part of getting up to go walking at 3 am is. Is it:

A. Comfortable shoes?

B. A well-lit trail?

C. Laying everything out so you can find it in the morning?

D. Setting your alarm?

Any guesses? Any?

Time’s up. The correct answer is “D. Setting your alarm“. Which I managed to forget to do this morning. Fortunately, I’m so used to waking up around 3 am that I naturally woke up about 3:30. So, while I didn’t get my morning walk in, I did manage to get ready and even set up the crock pot for tonight (roast beef with potatoes and carrots – yum!).

Sadly, this will make hitting my walking goal harder, because evenings are usually a busy time for me. I’ll just have to see how things pan out.

Time To Stop Hiding

Last week was nicely successful, as far as I can tell.  See, it turns out that the last time I weighed in and recorded the weight was July 16, when I weighed 319.4 pounds.  So, when I weighed in on Saturday, I weighed 314.4 pounds.  I’m assuming that means I lost weight by virtue of hitting my walking and my calorie goals, but I can’t prove it.  Which gets in to the thesis of today’s post.

If you’re reading this blog in an app you may not have seen it, but over on the left there’s a little thing that reads “Where I’m At”.  When I started this blog, I intended it to be an accountability thing.  A way of tracking each week where I was at (hence the name) and how I was doing.  Well, when I logged in this morning, it looked like this:

Starting Weight (7/15/2015): 419 lbs
New Year Weight 2016 (1/1/2016): 339.2 lbs
New Year Weight 2017 (12/31/2016): 308.0 lbs
Last Weigh-In (6/11/2017): 318.0 lbs
Current Weigh-In (6/17/2016): 314.0 pounds
Net Change: 4 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 105.0 lbs
Next Step: 279 lbs (35.0 lbs to go)
Ultimate Goal: 219 lbs (95.0 pounds)

The last time I updated it was two months ago.

I got to thinking about that:  “Why, exactly, am I going a month and more between updates?”  Sadly, the answer was obvious.  I was hiding.  I didn’t like what I was doing, and I didn’t like being reminded of my lack of progress, so I didn’t look at it.  Really, even though it makes sense (who wants to be reminded that they aren’t making their goal?), it was immature.  If I’m going to be honest with myself, and if I’m going to accept who I am and what I’m doing, then I need to keep updating that feature of the blog.

And, of course, I need to get back to seeing progress with it.  But that’s not quite the point.  The point is that, if pretending a problem isn’t real doesn’t fix the problem.  It never does.  In fact, it often makes the problem worse.  Clearly, that is not a desired outcome.  So, I’m going to make sure I update it weekly.  Not out of a desire to beat myself up, but because I need to honestly acknowledge my successes and failures, so that I have a clear idea of where I’m at and how I’m succeeding.

Not “succeeding or failing”?

No.  Because, although I’m working on forgiving myself for not having met my goals in the past, I’m not planning to fail.  That seems… counterproductive.

I’ve Taken Up Spinning!

No, no, not that cardio thing where you go ride a stationary bike alongside a bunch of other people. No. Spinning, in this context, is a game my son came up with while we were at the pool. Here's how it works:

I get in the shallow end of the pool and try to grab him. If I manage that – which is tough, because he's small and wiry and slippery – then I have to start trying to spin him around 4 or 20 or 30 times (depending on the rules he's inventing as we go). His job is to shriek with laughter and struggle to get away and demand that we do it again.

What does this have to do with fitness and weight loss? Well, spend 45 minutes chasing a 6 year old around a pool and then ask me that again.

On the calorie front, I'm now at four days in a row of hitting target! Woo hoo! Between that, and the walking goals and the spinning. I think I'll see some positive results when I weigh in!

Three Days And Counting

For the past three days, I've made my calorie goals! That feels like a huge achievement, because it's been a while since I was at all consistent and especially since dinner last night was Taco Bell. Taco Bell is it a fast food chain known for its healthy eating choices, but I did it!

That is, I hit my calorie goal. We won't get into how healthy it was otherwise…

So I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm hitting my walking goals, I'm hitting my calorie goals, and I'm getting my head back on the game by reframing the story in my head. I'm working on focusing on the goal again, and the reasons why, as a motivator. It's not perfect yet – mental attitudes don't completely change by magic in a 24 hour period, after all – but progress is being made.

It's like my wife told me last night, when we were talking about this and some related issues. I need to stop selling myself short. I shouldn't be arrogant, obviously, but I need to recognize the hard work I've put in. I need to recognize my own strengths, and my own achievements, and be willing to take credit for them and build on them. It's not boasting to say that I've achieved something remarkable. I've lost 100 pounds by virtue of eating better and exercising. And, although I've got more to do, that fact doesn't diminish what I've already achieved. It just shows that I can do the rest of it.

My wife, everyone, is a wise and magnificent woman. It's something I don't tell her enough, because I frequently get wrapped up in my own problems. But I wouldn't have achieved any of this without her. Not because I need her to push me (although she has, when I needed it), or because I'm doing it for her (although she is one of the reasons I am doing this), but because she inspires me and she balances me and she lifts me up. I am a lucky man.