I weighed in at 314 pounds on Saturday. Well, all right, somewhere between 313.8 and 314.4, because the scale kept flickering on that final “pound dot decimal” in a strange way. But it seemed to settle on 314 exactly, which meant that I lost four pounds last week. And that feels good, honestly. Until I updated the little widget over on the right of this page, where I track my weekly progress. And I saw this:
New Year Weight 2016 (1/1/2016): 339.2 lbs
New Year Weight 2017 (12/31/2016): 308.0 lbs
I have to be honest here: it bothered me when I read that. “Seriously?”, I thought. “I’ve only made 15 pounds of progress in the last 18 months?” And I really, really started to get down on myself.
And then I took a deep breath, and I stopped. Because, sure. I’ve only lost 15 pounds in the last 18 months, and that’s terribly frustrating. But, at the same time, I’ve kept a hundred pounds off for over a year, despite distractions and stress and family drama and everything else that could possibly go wrong. So, while I’m not where I want to be (yet), I’m certainly doing all right by myself.
Nonetheless, I want to do better. And, to be honest, I think that’s become a stumbling block for me. I want to do better so badly that I’m getting in my own way. Under 300 has stopped being just the next goal for me, transforming into an unattainable holy grail that I approach but never reach. I’m so obsessed on it that my failure to hit it has taken my mind off what I should be doing.
What is it I should be doing?
I should be focusing on my daily activities. I should be working on hitting my calorie goals each day, and hitting my walking and exercise goals each day, and trusting that if I do that my weight and my health will take care of itself. Easier said than done, right? But really, I need to work on that more.
So, here I go!